Life partners
by Slytherin.Pryncess.666
Summary: Something terrible happens to Bam Margera, and he is having a horrible time of coping alone will his roommate and life partner be able to save him before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

_Life Partners_

Today has got to be the worst fucking day especially of a new year. It fucking sucked ass today, nothing has went right for me. No matter how hard I tried, not a damn thing has worked out. So I finally managed to make it back to my place with out any shit. Come to find out I come back to an empty house. No one is there. I know my parents are vacationing in Atlantic City this weekend and Dunn had an interview with Jay Leno in Las Angeles. I have no fucking clue as to where Raab, Dico and Rake are, and right now I don't fucking care. The house is all quiet and that is rare which sort of depresses me because I have no one to take my anger out on. I decide that since I am both angry and depressed I should drink all my emotions away.

The bar is extremely crowded and the odor of sweat, sex, cigarettes and liquor fill the atmosphere. I just sat there at the counter and kept ordering the bar tender to refill my glass. After my body had consumed a quite amount of liquor, everything started to grow blurry. I wasn't nauseas, but it felt like everything was spinning around me and I was just sitting still. I remember my eyelids becoming very heavy as my breathing slowed down dramatically. Then I remember being surrounded by blackness. And I could not recall anything after that.

I could feel my limp body being moved, lifted from where I was. I didn't know who the fuck was carrying me off nor did I know where the hell we are going. My mind was filled with wondering questions, which could not escape my numb lips. I wanted to know who the hell was taking me and where in the fuck were they going with my almost lifeless body. My eyes were still way too heavy to open; every time I tried they seemed to fall back down. For some reason or another I could not move a muscle in my body, and my mind was starting to freak out. I could feel my shoes being dragged through the pool of gravels and the sun beating down on my black HIM dress jacket was making me sweat. What was happening to me? My mind wondered.

Even though my body could not move, and I could not open my eyes I could hear very faint unfamiliar voices which sounded like two men.

"I can't believe we found this fucking idiot passed out at the bar." I heard one of them say.

"What we going to do with him?" The other asked.

Now my mind was starting to get scared, but for some reason I was powerless. I felt so damn helpless that my head had just fallen forward and I had passed back out again.

I felt an unbearable amount of excruciating pain through out my lower body. It was extremely intense around my ass and my thighs. Very slowly I managed to open my eyes, at first everything was so fucking blurry. I could not make out my surroundings and I knew I wasn't at the bar. Taking a big whiff of the air, I about gagged. It smelled of piss, cum, sweat, and mold. I thought I was going to fucking throw up. Glancing around, I was able to see again. Thank God. But nothing looked familiar. I had no fucking clue as to where I was. I was lying on an old warn out king size bed covered in stains that resembled blood, urine, cum and god knows what else. I jumped off the dirty piece of furniture only to stumble into a dirty wall. Looking down at myself, I noticed I was fucking naked except for my black socks which still remained on my feet.

"What the fuck?" I yelled as loud as I could.

Running my hands through my nest of brown hair, I started to panic as my body shook with a tremendous amount of fear. My arms wrapped themselves around my bare stomach as a large amount of vomit exploded from my mouth unexpected. It went all over the stained grey carpet. After I managed to expel all of contaminants of my stomach, I began searching for any articles or belongings of mine. Every time I moved my legs or began walking, I felt agonizing pain everywhere, but it seemed to be strongest near my asshole. Reaching back to rub my sore butt, I feel a sticky gel like substance which resembled the texture of semen on my skin.

"FUCK", I yelled out at the top of my lungs totally sickened by the sticky stuff.

I pulled my hand back toward my face to see what it was. It was worse than I thought. My fingers were now covered in semen mixed with blood. Not any blood my blood. Spreading my legs, I had seen the crimson liquid drying to my thighs. Some of it was even on my balls. With out thinking, I just punched a whole in the dry-rotted wall. I was so fucking pissed, no wait, I was hurt and disgusted along with being pissed. I knelt o my knees as I felt the vomit come up through my stomach. I just stayed there as everything spilled from my mouth. Finally I stood back up, grabbing both sides of my head; I started yanking roughly on my hair as I paced the room searching for any remains of my shit. I couldn't find anything; everything was fucking gone. My shirt, my jeans, my jacket, along with my fucking wallet and cell phone were all gone. The only thing I managed to find that was mine was my black heartagram boxers. My ass hurt so fucking bad, and to think what those two men did to it was just unimaginable. The thought of anyone besides Ville or Ryan Dunn going inside me was completely sick. It made me want to puke even more.

I felt dirty. Not the type of dirty that you can wash away, but the type that stays with you no matter what. My body smelled of the hideous odors, sex, cum and piss. I stood there in my boxers trembling with mixed emotions. Staring at the bed from which I had awoken, I closed my eyes to see if I could recall anything. Just any bit of information to let me know what the fuck happened to my body.

"Oh god, he is so fucking tight!"

The words stabbed me like a knife causing emotional pain as well as physical. Tears started to form in the corner of my eyes, but I sucked them back in because I'm not the crying type. Even if I was just raped, I am not going to cry. My hands rubbed against my pale-skinned body trying to rub away the dirt which had covered me. I couldn't take any more of this place, so I ran to the front door.

The bright rays of the sun blinded me when I swung the old wooden door open. Stepping outside, I knew I was in a bad part of Pennsylvania, but I didn't know exactly where I was which was going to be trouble for me to get back to my castle. I had no cash on me or any other form of payment. Walking down the street the pain in my ass worsened. I cringed at each step I took down the side walk. Here I was, Bam fucking Margera walking down the ghetto streets of P.A. in my boxers because I fucking just got raped. My body was still shaky and my mind was still hazy of all the events which took place. As I continued walking, I tried to piece as much together as possible. I remember hearing one of the guys shout "Oh my fucking gah, he is so fucking tight." "I want to fuck him like the bitch skater fag he is." The words hit me like knives into my back as I dropped to my knees on the bare concrete trying to hold back the tears that were already pouring through my eyes. I pounded the concrete with my fists forcefully bringing blood to my knuckles. Right then and there I just collapsed, holding my head in my hands and crying uncontrollable.

"Fuck Bam, you aren't supposed to cry." I yelled at myself trying to stop the tears from coming.

I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. I just wanted to make it back to my house where I knew I was safe but first I needed to find a phone. I approached a young teenage girl who happened to be skating down the streets. She handed me her phone. I dialed the digits to a very familiar number.

"Ry, where are you?" I asked sharply.

"I'm in L.A. still. I will be home tomorrow night." Ryan Dunn said.

I just hung the phone up and dialed another number.

"Novak, where are you?"

"Your place waiting on you baby", he laughed.

"Novak, I have been in a little situation." I started.

"Bam, do you need me to bail you out of jail", he joked?

"No", I said with a serious tone in my voice. I didn't want to tell Novak exactly what happened especially over a stranger's phone.

"Look, I will explain everything to you just come and get my ass."

"Where the hell are you?"

"I am by the corner market on 5th street."

"Why are you down there for?"

"Look, Novak, just do as I fucking say. Get me a goddamn ride down here now." I practically yelled.

"Alright, I will be there ASAP."

I handed the girl back her cell phone and kept on walking. I kept thinking to myself that this could not have happened to me. My body ached every where. My head was throbbing from trying to remember what I had been through. All I know now is that two guys dragged me out of the bar and took me into this abandoned building, raped me, and pissed on me, and now here I was standing on the corner in my underwear, like a cheap whore, waiting for Novak to come and pick me up.

After what had seemed like endless hours, I saw Novak pull up in his shitty car. I felt so relieved to get out of that part of town and to get into a car with some one I knew.

"Where's your clothes Bam?" Novak asked raising an eyebrow.

"I fucking got robbed!"

"What the fuck? By who?" Novak said sharply nearly slamming on his brakes and into the car in front of us.

"Two men is all I know."

"I am glad you're alright", Novak said calmingly.

He didn't know I was fucking raped and pissed on, so I am not okay.

"I'm not fucking okay." I grunted.


	2. Chapter 2

Life Partners

Chapter 2

The whole way back to Bam's house was silent. Bam hardly said a word, which was not like him. I glanced over at Bam sitting in the passenger's seat shaking and his bright blue eyes were dull and empty filled with tears. Never have I seen Bam this way before. I was extremely worried.

"Bam, what happened?"

"I told you, I fucking got robbed. They took every goddamn thing I fucking had."

I felt so bad because I did not know what to say to comfort him. A slight odor had filled the car. I could smell the alcohol coming from Bam's deep breath along with something that resembled piss. I had a feeling something bad had happened to Bam, and he just wasn't telling me the whole story. I hated seeing him like this. He looked so vulnerable and broken. I just wanted to pick him and up and fix my broken friend after all he has fixed me so many times. I think I sort of owe it to him to help him out especially now.

I pulled up to his house and got out of the car slamming the door. He didn't even say a word. He was unusually quite.

"I am going to take a shower", he mumbled.

I just nodded my head and made my way to the black leather sofa. I had a beer in my hand, but sat it back down because I had other important things to worry about. My best friend, my life partner had a very bad encounter today and I knew he needed help. If only I knew what happened to him I would do what I could to make him better. It always bothered me when people fucks with my friends, but when people fuck with Bam I get really pissed. I don't know why I was protective of him. I usually thought it was because he has done a lot of shit for me and helped me out every time I screwed up. He was always there for me, and now the tables have turned. He needed me. I heard quiet footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned and saw him. His face was a blank expression, but those eyes. I will never forget how they looked. Normally they were bright blue like the ocean, but this time they were a dull blue window to his soul of many hidden secrets. They were filled with absolute sadness and hurt. The usual pride and cockiness he carries about himself was gone. His steps were short and sulky. Bam took a seat beside me. Nervously, I got up enough guts to speak to him.

"Do you really want to tell me what happened?" I said softly.

"Okay…" his voice shook with nervousness.

I put my arm on his shoulder to comfort him and also as clue to let him know I am here for him.

"Today sucked. I fucked up at my demo and it just pissed me off so I came home no one was here and then I went down to the bar to get drunk."

"Okay", I barely mumbled.

"I guess I drunk so much I passed out at the bar…" Bam's voice quivered as he drew closer to the rape incident. He was not quite sure if he was ready to tell Novak or not.

"I don't remember much else", Bam said pausing.

"Well, tell me what you do remember", I said.

"I recall waking up in this filthy building which fucking stunk like piss, alcohol, mold, and sex. I noticed I only had on my boxers so I threw up and walked out and called you." Bam quivered, closing his eyes as the painful memories haunted him.

I put my arm around him to comfort him he just pulled away and jumped off the couch.

"Don't fucking touch me dude." He yelled.

Now this was a little odd. Bam had always been willing to give hugs and to accept them especially from his friends. I didn't know how a simple touch could cause so much confusion. Part of me wanted to believe that Bam was telling the truth about what happened, but then another said that he wasn't exactly telling me everything. I decided to drop it thinking that he would eventually want to talk about it.

I knocked lightly on his bedroom door.

"Novak, leave me the fuck a lone!" He yelled back.

"But Bam…"

"Go away; I don't want to talk about it. Leave me the fuck a lone!" he repeated.

Shrugging my shoulders I walked over to the pool table and just shot the balls aimlessly thinking of someway I could get Bam back to his old self. I heard the door open as Raab and Dico walked in.

"Where have you guys been?" I asked.

"Oh just out", Dico replied.

I didn't know if I should tell them about Bam or not. I didn't. I left that up to Bam. It was his problem and I shouldn't tell everyone about it. If he wanted to talk I would be there to listen to him.

"Novak, we are going to the bar want to come?" Raab asked.

I just shook my head "no" and continued shooting random balls.

Raab knocked on Bam's door.

"Novak I said go the fuck way goddamn it! Leave me the fuck a lone", Bam screamed!

"Whoa, Bam, calm down it's me, Raab."

"Sorry." He mumbled and opening the door only to reveal his face.

"What's wrong Bam?"

"Just had the fucking worst day of my life", mumbled the skater.

"Come to the bar and get drunk with us", insisted Raab.

"Fuck no!" He said slamming the door.

"What's wrong with Bam?" Raab asked?

"I don't know", I lied. It wasn't my place to explain Bam's troubles with the rest of the crew. If he wanted them to know then he should be the one to tell them, not me.

"Well come on Dico, we are going to get drunk", Raab squeaked.

They both walked out the door and I went into Bam's room and sat on the bed with him.

"I am not trying to make you talk, but you alright?" I said in a deep breath.

"Yeah", he mumbled looking me in the eyes before walking out.

It was then that I knew Bam wasn't alright. His mouth told me the lies, but his eyes spoke the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Life Partners**

**Chapter 3**

I wished everyone would leave me the fuck alone especially Novak. He keeps thinking that I will tell him the truth. I won't. I can't. I don't want him or anyone else for that matter to think differently of me so I am not going to tell a single person. I know Novak means well, but when I tell him that I don't want to fucking talk about it then he should respect my answer and leave me the fuck a lone.

I sit here alone in my room in total darkness. I close my eyes to try and get some sleep, but the haunting memories come to life. I sit straight up as sweat pours off my head. In my dream I saw everything that happened to. I was thrown on to the nasty ass mattress. My clothes ripped completely from my body. Their hands touching me, going places where they didn't need to be. The pressure and pain spread through out my entire body as they both took turns with me. Sharing me like a child's play thing, only I was their play thing. Just the thought of them touching me, taking advantage of me, made me feel even dirtier. So I took another shower. No matter how many showers I took, the dirtiness would not go away. It was inside of me, and I could not get rid of them.

Recurring visions haunted my mind. Every time I closed my eyes I could see myself lying face down on the mattress with their sick dicks all over my body. I puked once again at the thought of their piss and cum all over me. I went back to my room and pulled out a little black box which I keep hidden under my bed. Opening it up I removed the small piece of silver metal that was wrapped in a tissue. Closing my eyes, I ran my middle finger across the blade. It was still sharp, not the sharpest, but good enough. I held my wrist out firmly, my muscles tense. I cringed as I raked the metal across my pale skin harshly. The sight of the crimson fluid oozing from the incision made me feel relieved. It was the only way I could rid myself of the dirtiness which filled my insides. I did it two or three more times before I heard a knock at the door.

"What?" I yelled back as I stuffed the shiny metal back into the box and under my bed. I covered my wrist with my long sleeve Element shirt.

"Baby, it's me."

I rolled my eyes as the sound of Missy's sweet voice mumbled from the other side of the door. I thought she wasn't supposed to be home until next week. What the fuck was she doing here? She was the last person I wanted to see or talk to for that matter. I know she is my girlfriend and I should tell her everything, but this is one thing I cannot tell her.

"Missy, what are you doing here", I asked, trying to act surprised.

"Well, they said I could come home for a couple of days if I wanted so of course I said yes because I missed you Bam." She said throwing her self around me.

I just wanted to yell "Get the fuck off me!" I couldn't stand the thought of being touched by anyone, not even her. I winced as she hugged me tightly. Finally she let go and I felt I was able to breathe again.

"Bam you act different. Is something wrong baby?"

"No."

I never lie to her, but this one thing she didn't need to know about.

"Well, didn't you miss me?"

"Of course I did baby." I said kissing her lips lightly.

The touch of her lips against mine was enough to make me sick. I couldn't stand the thought of touching anyone or anyone touching me because I was dirty and I knew it. I didn't want them to feel the same way I do. It wouldn't be right of me.

"Bam, are you sure you are alright? You seem kind of distant." Missy asked quietly.

"Miss, I am fine. I just screwed up at my demo today in front of thousands of people."

"Bam, listen, mistakes happen all the time. You can't expect to do a perfect performance at each demo. Even the best skaters screw up." She said not choosing her words wisely.

"So I am not one of the best skaters out there?" I asked getting pissed.

"I didn't mean like that Bam. Of course you are one of the best skaters; I just mean that the experts screw up."

"Oh I get it, I am one of the best skaters but I am not one of the very best."

"Bam, you're taking this too personal." She hissed.

"No, I understand now. You just don't think I am one of the best skaters." I shot back.

"I do it's just that you are not the top best. There are other ones out there that are better." She confessed and even they screw up.

"Fuck you Missy! If you can't support me and my skating then maybe you should fucking leave. I can't be with some one that belittles my career."

"Brandon Cole Margera, don't you even start saying I don't support your skating career!" She yelled.

"You have only gone to one fucking skating demo with me. You always make up goddamn excuses of why you can't go. And never ever use my full name!" I screamed at her. I was extremely pissed.

"Bam, you need to fucking grow up and quit whining just because you can't be perfect! Hell no one is perfect and you shouldn't try so damn hard. You also need to learn that mistakes happen to everyone. Quit being such a crybaby just because you fucked up at a stupid skating demo today!"

It was way more than fucking up at my demo that was getting me. I bet if I told her I was robbed, raped, and pissed on she would start feeling sympathy towards me. I didn't want her fucking sympathy. I didn't need anyone's sympathy for fuck sakes. And her standing there criticizing my career and ridiculing me, only made me angrier.

"Missy, I mean it! I can't be with some one who does not support my career fully." I yelled.

"Bam, I do support you're skating but you really need to grow up. I can't be with a man of 26 years who whines and complains like a little kid because they fuck up or they don't get their way."

"Fuck you! Get the fuck out of my house!" I practically yelled until I was red in the face and tears were in my eyes.

Slamming the door in her face forcefully, I returned to my room and my little black box that made everything seem better temporarily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Life Partners**

**Chapter 4**

How can he say such hurtful and harsh words? He should know that I love and support his career. I support his career because I love him with all my heart. I know I need to go to more skating demos with him and start showing my support more than I have been. It's just that I am a busy woman too and I have things I need to do. This is just not like my Bam to get all pissed over messing up at a demo. He usually gets disappointed, but I have never seen him this angry before. Something isn't right here.

"Bam, you don't mean that do you? You don't really want me to leave?" I asked as tears filled my eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Bam lowered his head and mumbled "yeah I do. Right now Missy it would be best."

My heart had fell to the bottom of my stomach and shattered into millions of pieces. I felt like falling apart right there in front of him. But I wanted to appear strong so I held myself together. I couldn't believe he was breaking up with me over a stupid argument. He wouldn't even look me in the eyes. The Bam I had fallen in love with had disappeared and I was left with an empty person who I did not know.

"Bam, this is not like you. We usually talk things out. What is wrong?" I said trying to wrap my arms around him, but every time I tried he backed away from me.

"Missy, I just got a lot of shit I need to figure out for my self. It's better to let you go now then to hurt you worse later on." He muttered.

"Bam, I am here to help you. I want to help you with what ever you are going through." I said softly.

"You can't help me. I need to help myself."

"Bam, what the hell are you talking about? Help yourself with what?" I said angrily.

"Shit." He grumbled under his breath.

Placing my hand under his chin, I lifted it up to look into his eyes, but he only jerked away from me. So I grabbed his wrists. He pulled his hand out of mine.

"That fucking hurt", he cried.

"When in the hell did you become such a big fucking crybaby? This is not the Bam I know." I said.

"Don't fucking worry about it." He said forcefully.

"I worry because I know something's wrong and you won't let anyone help you. Bam, what has gotten into you?"

"Missy, I said don't fucking worry about it. Damn it! You are just like fucking Novak."

"Well, maybe it's because we both care about you Bam. I can tell you are going through something. Why don't you let me in and I can help you and we can over come what ever it is you are battling."

"No. I don't need anyone's fucking help." He said shutting the door in my face again.

I was really fuming now. He was acting so childish and stubborn, but he had always been stubborn.

"Brandon Cole Margera!" I yelled pounding my fists on the door loudly.

"Go the fuck away. I told you I can't be with you right now. What part of that do you not understand?" He yelled. "And don't you ever fucking call me by my full name again!"

I didn't want him to have the last say in the ending of our relationship which meant so much to me.

"Well, if it's going to be like this Bam, then I can't be with a childish adult who is not willing to let anyone help him. I can't be with some one who acts so fucking immature. Maybe Bam when you grow the fuck up, we can work things out; until then FUCK OFF!" I yelled through the door.

Saying those words to him killed me more than him breaking up with me. I just didn't understand what the hell is going on and why he wouldn't let me in his world to help him I know he usually is the tough guy, but sometimes they are the ones who needs help and he is not able to face that fact. I wish he would come to his senses and realize that this whole fight was a fucking mistake, because I don't want it to end like this.

"Fine Missy, fuck you too!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I'm fucking leaving Bam." I yelled.

"Good! I will see you around", he shouted.

"Yeah, I hope you have a nice fucking career Bam Margera."

"FUCK YOU!" He cried out.

Grabbing my keys, I stormed out the door with out saying a word to anyone. My eyes were filled with tears, my heart was completely broken, but more than anything I was fucking pissed and I felt like complete shit! I just sat there in my car and balled my eyes out.

"He's a stupid fucking jerk", I kept telling myself.

Before I got to pull out of the drive way, Bam stopped me. I was hoping that he had come to his senses.

"Missy, look I know I was an asshole, but there is just shit going on in my life that you wouldn't understand. Hell, I don't even fucking understand it right now." He said.

"That is why I am here Bam. I want to help you figure this out so you won't have to do it alone." I said wiping the tears from my eyes.

"No. I need to do this for me and by myself. I am sorry Missy, but this is how it's gotta be for a while."

"Bam, I know you are angry, but will you please at least let me stay? I am not asking you to tell me anything, but I just wanna be here for you even if you don't think you need me here."

"Missy, my life is fucking turned upside down right now. The last thing I need is a goddamn girlfriend who complicates things even worse." He said angrily.

"Fine", I mumbled.

At that point in time I was so hurt and pissed at him I just wanted to hit him with my car. I watched him walk back inside before I drove off. I was more annoyed at his attitude and the way he acted more than anything. His stubbornness just burned up inside which made me even hotter. I loved Bam with all of my heart and I would do anything to help him, no matter what it is, why can't he just see that and accept my help? I just hope that he doesn't try to hurt himself or hurt anyone else for that matter. I slowly drove off away from his house and I prayed that perhaps Novak or Dunn would be able to talk some since into him before he let things get out of hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Life Partners**

Chapter 5

Getting rid of Missy was not easy. It tore me up inside to make her go, but I didn't need her right now. She would only complicate things more than what they already were and hell I didn't need that. My heart ached to see her go, and another part of me was a little bit relieved. That was the part I was worried about. Did I even love Missy? If I did then I wouldn't have been such an asshole to her and made her leave, but I did it because I didn't want to hurt her later on. I just couldn't figure things out with her around. She would always be there to help me, and I don't need anyone's help. Now that she was gone I could go back to what I was doing.

Pulling the shiny blade out from under my bed, I slowly drug it across my pale skin. I watched as the blood poured from my skin and trickled down my arm and onto the napkin which I held under my wrist. The pain was intense and only made me do it again. Finally after two more deep slices into my canvas, I decided to put the blade away. Studying all of my incisions I realized they formed a heartagram. I just let out a tiny chuckle at the coincidence and walked into the living room.

"I heard you and Missy going at it like cats and dogs. What was that about?" Novak asked?

"She's being a total bitch and I couldn't take it no more." I said simply.

The familiar odor of beer coming from Novak's mouth as he spoke made my painful memories surface. I began to fill dizzy as they clouded my mind. This time they would not go away. The smell of the beer made me quite nauseous. I could hear the voices in mind screaming, "I want to fuck him like the bitch skater fag he is." The last five words running repeatedly through my mind over and over again. They would not quit. Closing my eyes so tight that it hurt still didn't make them disappear, it only made the memories come to life. My stomach turned at the thought of some sick fuck taking advantage of me so violently and carelessly. The agonizing pain and the large amount of pressure applied to my body were all coming back to life now. I could feel the sharp pains through out my entire spine all the way down to my ass. It hurt like hell. Even though I was standing still, the room kept on spinning. Everything around me was going around and around faster and faster, nothing slowing down but only speeding up. Finally everything came to a complete stop, and I only saw blackness once again.

"Oh shit! Bam! Bam! Bam!" I heard the faint yelling of a familiar voice.

I tried to speak, but I only muttered in audible sounds.

"Bam!" The voice kept yelling my name repeatedly.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. I felt the well-known feeling of vomit gathering in my stomach. I leaned over on my side as my stomach heaved pushing the vomit up wards. The nasty fluids came out forcefully and landed on the carpet on which I lay.

"Fuck Bam", I heard Novak cry.

"Sorry man" I said wiping the excess vomit from my lips.

I did it again. I puked because the thoughts were still in my mind. I continued puking until there was nothing left to come up except for saliva mixed with bile. I wanted to puke again, but there was nothing left inside. My body was hot, cold, sweaty and shaking all that same time. I turned off my side and back on to my back and just lay there facing the ceiling while I caught my breath. Taking in a deep breath my eyes closed and I drifted off into a night mare filled sleep.

I swore I could hear some one laughing at me. It was a loud deep criticizing laugh that just kept getting louder and louder.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed at the voice.

"Bam, who are you talking to?" Novak asked concerned.

"They won't quit laughing." I uttered in almost a trance like voice.

"Bam, no one is laughing at you." Novak's worried voice said.

"Go away! Just go away." I continued yelling while my body kicked and tried to fight off my invisible forces.

"Bam!" Novak yelled!

"Get off of me! Get the fuck off you sick fuck!" I cried as I thrashed my body.

"BAM!" Novak yelled as loud as he could.

"No, please don't! Please quit. Get the fuck off of me you sick fucker!" I yelled again.

"Bam! Answer me!" Novak called out.

Part of me heard the calls that Novak was sending out to me, the other part was "hypnotized" by the demon forces that haunted my mind and my body. The recollections of the horrible incident had possessed my body and I couldn't make them leave. I wanted Novak to help me. I wanted him to make the demons go away.

Reaching my arm up and grabbing his bicep tightly, I managed to let three words escape my mouth, "Don't leave me."


	6. Chapter 6

Life Partners

**Chapter 6**

I was completely freaking the fuck out. My best friend was lying here on the carpet having a nightmare, but he knew I was there that was what scared me. I kept shaking his body and yelling his name. He wouldn't wake up. I really wished Dunn was here because Dunn has a way with waking Bam up. He was really scaring me.

"Get off me. Don't you fucker. Don't do this to me!" He cried.

It sounded like he was in so much pain and I kept trying harder to bring him back to reality. I didn't know what to do. I really wish some one else was here with me. I didn't want to lose Bam. My hand lightly smacked his cheeks a few times.

"Bam! Wake up!" I ordered.

Still no response except for the thrashing of his body telling ever what was on him to get off.

"I'm not a fucking faggot", he screamed!

"Bam!" I yelled firmly while smacking his face.

Finally his head responded to my touch. His eyes were partially opened.

"Bam! You're having a fucking nightmare! Wake up! It's just a dream. It's just a dream. Wake up." I kept repeating in a soothing voice.

"Huh, what?" he managed to mumble opening his eyes completely.

"Novak", he said in surprise. "Where'd they go?" he questioned looking around the room.

"Where'd who go?" I asked puzzled. "Bam it was a dream", I said softly.

He stood up. Searching around the room frantically, he was looking for who ever was in his dreams.

"Calm down man," I ordered getting a little worried.

Finally the dark haired skater sunk into the leather sofa. I looked over at him. He was just sitting there with his fingers tangled into his brown curls which hung in front of his pace. Questions and dark secrets haunted his eyes, covering up that certain sparkle that they always seemed to possess. His face was pale and long. He looked like death brought back to life again. I have never seen Bam look so vulnerable and weak. I remember Bam always parading through the house yelling and screaming, but all in good fun. I remember the way he would smile when he was up to something. That little shit-eating grin that would always appear on his face when he did do something or when he was about to do something made me laugh. Bam had the "I don't give a fuck" personality, but when inside he really did especially when it came to his friends and family. There was a sensitive side to Bam that most people never got to see, and the ones that did were considered lucky.

I can remember the time he picked me up off the side of the street and took me to the hospital. I will always be grateful of him for that day, because if it were not for him I would be dead of heroin overdose. With the help of Bam and lots of therapy, I finally overcame my powerful addiction to heroine. Looking at him on the couch, I realized he is a lot like me. Stubborn and would not accept the help of no one, but deep down side yearned for it. I yelled at him, called him so many names before trying to get him to leave me a lone and quit trying to help me. I always told him I didn't need anyone's help when I was only lying to myself. I did not want to accept the fact that I could not over come this addiction alone. No matter how pissed I got at Bam, or what I said or did to him; he was always right there. He never left me, not once; even after I told him I fucking hated his guts, he was still by my side. Bam was loyal to me in my times of need when other people weren't especially when it came to my girl friends that left me in times of need, but not Bam. He never left me, not a single time. And for that Bam will always have a special place in my heart. Just thinking about it brought a tear to my face, I slowly wiped it away.

I guess it's my time to return the favor. Bam needs me, and as much as he is going to deny it, I know he does. I will do whatever it takes to help him through whatever he is battling. Even if I do not know the whole story of what is going on inside of him I promise myself that I will not leave Bam nor will I let him down. I know this going to be a tough thing to do, because Bam can be a complete and royal asshole sometimes, and it is very easy to get fed up with him. I won't give up on him. I will help him through this.

I walked over to the couch, and placed my hand on his knee. He looked up at me with tear filled eyes. It broke my heart to see Bam Margera, the tough guy break down. Never once as long as I have known Bam, have I seen him cry; I mean actually cry. I knew this was a lot deeper than what I thought.

"Fuck Brandon, I'm not supposed to cry." He said wiping the tears away from his eyes forcefully.

I knew it was serious when he used my first name instead of "Novak."

"It's okay to cry Bam. Everyone cries." I said.

"I feel like such a pussy because I can't handle it." He sobbed.

"Can't handle what?" I asked hoping that he would come clean.

Taking in a deep breath and wiping the tears from his eyes, he just looked at me. His eyes were telling me a much unheard distressing story that his mouth was unable to speak. They were crying out for help, but he wouldn't admit it to me. I wasn't going to push him. I was going to wait for him to be ready to talk, because pushing some one to talk pisses them off to the point where they don't want to talk anymore.

There was a strange silence between us. His eyes were staring deep into mine. They were the doors which kept his internal battle from the outside world. The way he was looking at me sent chills down my spine. His eyes were a ghastly blue, slightly dull but filled with a secret that he was battling. It was as if he was crying out for me to save him.

A strange feeling had taken over my body. I was about to do something that I had never done before. Something that was so wrong, that I shouldn't even thought about doing. I actually couldn't believe this thought came to my mind. I needed to show not tell Bam that I was here for him. My hand was still on his knee. I looked back into his deep blue eyes, as a strange heat flushed over my whole body. I never thought of Bam like this until just now. I guess it was hidden inside me, and I just didn't want to admit to myself that I liked or should I say loved him.

Leaning forward, my body over come with nervousness and anxiousness, I closed my eyes and ever so gently I placed my lips on his. I was not sure what kind of reaction I would get, but the kind I did get was not what I was expecting at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Life Partners

**Chapter 7**

The soft pink lips pressed softly against mine startled me. This was not something I would expect from Novak. My first instinct was to pull myself away, but his lips were so gentle and tender. No force was behind the kiss, only meaning. Closing my eyes I returned his kiss. I really didn't know why I was kissing him back or why I didn't automatically jerk back from the kiss. A rush of heat spread through out my entire body, as his tongue slipped into my mouth. I greeted his tongue with mine. Together they danced and intertwined with one another. His mouth tasted of beer and cigarettes, but in a pleasant way. He pulled away and just stared at me blankly, not sure of what to say. I blinked my eyes as my tongue ran over my lips tasting the remains of Novak's kiss which I secretly enjoyed.

I don't think either of us knew what to say afterwards. We both just sat there on the damn sofa staring at each other like damn deer in headlights. The silence was practically killing me. I had to say something.

"Umm…it's been one hell of a fucking bad day; I think I'll head to bed." It was random, but it broke the silence.

"Yeah, me too", Novak agreed. "Bam, if you need anything you know where my room is." He said softly.

"Yeah", I replied.

Walking towards my room, I could still feel the softness of his lips on mine. I didn't know if I should feel guilty for kissing him back or not. I didn't, because I enjoyed it. For that one short moment I had forgotten about what a fucking shitty ass day I had had. I did not know that it was possible to go from the worst shitty day of my life to practically an alright day because for that brief moment Novak seemed to make everything better. I smiled to myself closing my door behind me.

Slipping out of my jeans and into my boxers, I crawled into my bed hoping to get a good night's rest. I nuzzled into my pillow and closed my eyelids.

"_I want to fuck him like the skater bitch he is. He deserves it."_

"_He feels so fucking tight. Tighter than any slut I have ever fucked."_

"_Oh God!" _

"_Stop it. Goddamn it you fucking faggots stop. I don't want to do this. Stop it. Get the fuck off me. I said get the fuck off of me you fucking faggots. I am not a fucking fag you sick fuck." I screamed loudly trying to kick my attackers off of me. _

"_GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU FUCKING QUEER ASS BITCHES!" I yelled as loud as I could. _

_The continuous loud obnoxious laughter of the two men would not stop._

"Bam!" Novak yelled.

"Stop it you fucking faggots!" I cry loudly in my sleep.

I was kicking and screaming trying to set myself free from my attackers. My eyes sprung opened as soon as I hit something hard with my ass. The pain shot through my body like a million needles being pressed into my skin at once.

"FUCK!" I screamed in complete agony.

I look over to see Novak right beside me, realizing I had a nightmare.

"Bam, what are you screaming about?"

"I guess I just had a nightmare." I said rubbing my sore ass.

"Well, yeah, I kind of figured that when you screaming about faggots and that you are not one." Novak said trying to make a joke out of it.

"I was?" Not realizing that I must have actually been screaming.

"Yeah man, it sounded like they were attacking you."

The sound of Novak's words brought back the haunting memories.

"I don't know man, I don't know." I lied with a shaky voice.

"Bam, you never have nightmares. You are the one who always has these wet dreams." Novak laughed.

I let out a small chuckle because Novak was right. I was the one who had the wet dreams and most of them were about Ville Valo, one of the sexiest men I knew. I wanted him so bad. Oh how I wished he was here right now.

"Bam, are ya going to be alright?" Novak asked concerned.

"I think so." I lied once again, because I knew that once I close my eyes again they would come back to haunt me and terrorize me endlessly. Maybe if Novak stayed with me, they wouldn't come back and maybe I could get some sleep. That would be selfish of me to ask Novak to stay in here, but I feel safe around him.

"Brandon", I said as serious as possible.

"Yeah", he quietly replied.

"Would you do something for me?" I asked feeling so selfish.

"Anything", was his answer.

"Don't leave me tonight. I am scared Brandon."

Now I have done it. I just admitted to Novak that I was scared. I also feel like such a pussy for being scared of a damn dream. Fuck, forget pussy, I sound like a little kid wanting to crawl into bed with my parents. I am 26 years old and here I am asking my best friend to stay because I got raped and now am having nightmares about it and I am afraid to handle it all on my own. God, what the fuck was wrong with me. This wasn't me. How come I couldn't deal with this on my own? I wanted so much to tell Novak how they assaulted me, violated my ass with their sick dicks and fat fingers, and how they covered me with their bodily fluids. Most of all I want to tell him I need him, but I can't do that.

"Yeah, of course, Bam, I will stay." He replied softly.

"Thanks", I replied. I didn't know what else to say.

Crawling back into my bed along with Novak, we both snuggled our bodies under the thick blanket. I just lay there wide awake, but at the same time I did not feel so alone. I felt safe. Novak turned to face me, his eyes just staring into mine. I did it first. I kissed his lips so softly that he probably didn't feel it. He kissed back lightly barely touching his lips with mine. After the kiss parted, he just smiled at me. I gave him a half smile.

We both lay there in my bed facing one another. Not a word was spoken. Novak was looking deep into my eyes trying to read me like a book written in a foreign language, one he could not understand. I wish I could just tell him, but I could not bring myself to do so. I felt Novak grab my hand and I just let him. His hands were gently massaging my fingers and my hands.

"Bam, what the hell?" Novak asked in pure shock.

"Huh?" I managed to mutter not having a clue to what he was talking about until it hit me. He was holding the hand which was a canvas for all my bloody artwork.

"Oh don't worry bout that. I just fucked up in skating real bad." I lied. I hated lying especially to all my friend, but they didn't need to know.

"That sucks because there for a minute I thought…" Novak started to say.

"Thought what?" I mumbled.

"Never mind forget it. It was nothing." He said turning over on his side and going to sleep.

I pulled the covers over my head and hoped that tonight just maybe tonight I could get a few peaceful hours of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Life Partners**

Chapter 8

I have noticed that for the last few days Bam has not been acting like himself. He always would be in his room or out somewhere with excuses like "I need to go get something" or "I am feeling like shit so I am going to go take a nap." He would rarely go to the bars with me or Raab and if he did go he would get beyond drunk and one of us, usually, Raab would have to help him walk. It wasn't like him to get to such a drunken stupor that he didn't even know where he was. Bam was the type, who usually knew when his stopping point was, but here lately he hasn't had one and that was worrying me. Bam got to the point where he was drinking practically every day. He would hardly come out of his room, let alone leave his house. He always stayed to himself anymore locked inside of his room, his world that he would not let anybody be part of.

"What's wrong with Bam?" Rake asked as he watched Bam grab another beer from the fridge and head up to his room and lock the door behind him.

I didn't know what to say because I had no answers. I just shrugged my shoulders and went on about my business of playing some video game.

"Well, Novak, are you just going to sit on your ass and play dumb video games all day, while your best friend is wasting his life away in his room?" Rake shouted.

"He won't fucking talk to me, and I can't make him. He will eventually come around." I said continuing to control the characters on the screen.

"Well, what are you going to do if he doesn't open up to you?" Rake hissed.

"I don't fucking know Rake, alright." I yelled in aggravation that he was still bothering me for answers I did not have.

"If you want to know so bad, why don't you walk up to his room and fucking talk to him yourself?" I blared as I lit up a cig.

The scraggly haired man walked up the steps to Bam's room.

"Go the fuck away. I don't want to talk to no fucking body." I heard Bam shout.

"Dude, it's Rake."

"So, go the fuck away man." I heard him shout again.

Rake walked back down the stairs, because he was never the one good at consulting other people about their problems especially when it came to Bam. Bam always hid everything from everyone and wouldn't let anyone in to help him, and he rarely talked about his problems. He would always act like everything was alright and that nothing was bothering him when deep inside he was hurting. Whenever someone asked if he was alright he would always say "yeah", no matter how bad he was hurting on the inside, his appearance always seemed tough and strong.

I was left at the house a lone while Dico, Raab, and Rake went off somewhere. I was lost in my video games when I felt the other side of the couch sink in. I saw Bam sitting over there with a bottle of vodka in his hand. It was the first time I looked at him closely. Grey sunken in circles surrounded the once bright blue eyes. His face no longer held that smile that made girls week in the knees or made me melt inside; it was blank. His skin was always pale, but this time he looked like a ghost as his dark curly hair hung in his face.

"What Novak?" He asked sharply as he caught me staring at him.

"Nothing sweetheart it's just you really look like shit." I said bluntly.

"Thanks ass fuck", he mumbled.

"I wasn't trying to be an ass. I just meant that you don't look so healthy. What's gotten in to you man?"

"I am fine! Why does everyone think that something is wrong with me?" He yelled as he started chugging the bottle of vodka.

"Let's think about that for a minute, Bam. One, you almost always stay drunk. Two, you never really come out of your room, and three you're not acting like you." I said hastily. "I can tell something is wrong with you, why don't you just talk about it."

"Because there is nothing to talk about, I am fucking fine." He growled.

"I don't think so Bam."

"Well, think what you want, but I am fine and everyone can stop fucking worrying about my ass cause everything will be fixed in the morning." He said walking back up the stairs.

What did he mean 'everything will be fixed in the morning'? I just hope that he meant that tomorrow everything will be fine and he would be back to his old self. I sure hope so because I don't know how much more of this shit I could take from him. I feel ungrateful for thinking like that especially when he has done so much for me, but it was really getting annoying. I just wanted the old Bam back. I missed that smile that came across his face when he was truly happy; the smile that I practically fell in love with. The special glow in his eyes were now gone and filled with emptiness. His carefree and 'I don't give a fuck' personality had faded away and was replaced by an alcohol consuming ass hole. Staying at his house started to become so depressing, because the lively atmosphere had also gone away. Everyone started staying to themselves more ever since Bam had changed. It just didn't feel right to me.

Walking into the Pirate Bar, I saw Bam staggering for the fridge. It almost broke my heart to know that he was attempting to drink away his issues. He grabbed a bottle of beer and started to head back upstairs before I decided to put my foot down.

"Bam, you just had a fucking bottle of vodka! You don't need this goddamn beer!" I shouted.

"Fuck off Novak! I can drink the fucking beer if I want", he slurred.

Grabbing the bottle out of his hand, I stuffed it back in the fridge.

"Give me fucking goddamn bottle back you fucking bitch", he shouted at me!

"NO!"

He shoved me into the brick wall, and grabbed the alcoholic beverage. Anger took over my body. I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back towards me.

"Novak, give me the fucking bottle", he shouted with his slurred speech.

"NO Bam! You don't need it!"

"Yeah I do. I need it like you needed the heroine now get the fuck off my ass before I fucking punch your face off ass fuck." He grumbled.

"Fuck you Bam Margera!" I shouted!

"No fuck you Novak!" He said as he pulled away with the bottle in his hand and headed towards his room.

Taking in a deep breath, I punched the brick wall with my fist before I decided to take some pain killers to numb my emotions and to make me go to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Life Partners**

**Chapter 9**

I am sick and tired of everyone always asking me what the fuck is wrong with me! I hate it because it is none of their damn business! I just want to be left alone. No one needs to know what happened to me and besides if they did, they would only feel sorry for me and treat me like a fucking victim and that is the last damn thing I need. I don't need anyone's help or their sympathy. I can deal with this on my own. It is my life and sometimes people just need to stay the hell out of it! I hate it because here I am sulking and blaming myself for the things that happened to me; who else do I have to blame? I mean none of this fucking shit would have ever happened if I stayed home and did not go to the bar to get drunk. I would be perfectly fine if I did not go to that fucking bar, but no my dumb ass had to go and get drunk. Now look what happened to me. I was becoming something I knew I wasn't. I constantly stayed in my room drinking. Hell, I even broke up with Missy over a stupid little fight. It's like I just let everything get to me and once I take so much shit I just feel like I am about to explode. I know what happened to me was my fault; I have no one else to blame except for myself, and I can't live with that fact. I can't live with the fact knowing that if I had stayed home everything would be perfectly alright. I hate myself for what I did. No one will ever understand that.

I sat on my bed in just a pair of my black boxers with the beer in my hand, which I practically killed Novak for. Taking a big swig of the bitter beverage, I reached underneath my bed and pulled out my little black box. I removed a shiny piece of metal and slowly ran it across my finger. Not as sharp as I would like for it to be, but it was sharp none the less and would still do what I need it to do. This is the only way I can control my life and my pain. I had no control over what had happened to me and this is the only way I can feel relief and control the pain too. I didn't want to make it too obvious on my wrists therefore it resulted on me using my pale thighs as a new canvas for my slashing.

Slowly as I scraped the metal down my flesh it split in two as crimson fluid begin seeping through the tear. The pain was not as intense, neither was the blood flow but it still gave me what I needed and what I wanted. It felt so good, but one cut was never enough. I did it again and watched as the blood dripped from the fresh opening. I was able to do it at least three more times before someone pounded on my door. I rolled my eyes as I quickly stuffed my little black box back in its hiding spot.

"What?" I yelled

"Bam, it's Novak, what are you doing?"

"Nothing", I lied as I wiped the blood from my skin.

"We need to talk Bam", he demanded.

Knowing Novak, he was not going to give up until he got something out of me. So I decided I might as well tell him a little bit, but for fuck sakes I wasn't going to tell him I was ass raped by some faggot. I opened the door and motioned for him to come into my room.

"Bam, sweetheart, I am really worried about you." He said calmly.

"I understand that, but this is something that I have to live with. No one would understand it." I mumbled.

"Of course they won't understand anything because you won't tell them anything." He said looking me directly into the eyes. I could see they were filled with care and concern. I looked away quickly.

"Don't worry Novak, I am starting to handle it better and everything should be better tomorrow." I lied keeping my dark secret to myself.

"Alright Bam-Bam", he said as he walked out the door shutting it behind him.

I hate my life anymore. I can't sleep because it haunts my mind. I can still feel everything that is being done to be, but I am unable to move, unable to stop them from taking advantage of me. With their disgusting hands all over my body, and their fingers probing at my ass continuously haunts me each night. I think I am beginning to lose touch with reality because I am always doing and saying shit that I don't mean or that I normally wouldn't do. I just feel all alone and completely empty inside. The world is moving but I just stand here perfectly still watching time pass me by.

With each day it is harder for me to get out of bed and go on about the day. I can't remember the last time my stomach had consumed something other than alcohol. Hell, I even started smoking, but I would never let anyone know. I constantly remained in my room tearing my skin open with the shiny metal that provided the only relief I have known.

Downstairs I could hear everyone celebrating Dunn's arrival back home. Hell, usually I would be the first one hugging and embracing him, but now it's not. I don't want him to notice that something is wrong with me because if he does he won't quit bothering until I tell him, and I can't do that, no not to Ryan. I decided I better make an appearance downstairs so I ran my fingers through my messy hair and thru on my 69Eyes shirt and walked downstairs into the crowd of people.

"Well, look I guess the Millionaire has finally decided to join us." Novak stated.

"Yeah, I just woke up." I lied.

I saw that smile on Ryan's face. The smile that lets me know that he missed me whenever he returns back from long trips; slowly I felt a smile creeping on my face as I embraced him tightly. It felt so good to hold him in my arms.

"I missed you Bammie", he mumbled against my ear.

"I missed you too, Random", I whispered.

I wish I could stay like that forever, in Ryan's arms. I felt so safe from everything. I was content for the first time in weeks. Pulling away from me, Ryan looked me directly in the eyes. I tried to look away, but his emerald green eyes had a hold on me that I was unable to break.

"Bam, you don't look too healthy. Are you alright?" Dunn asked with his eyes full of concern.


	10. Chapter 10

Life Partners

Chapter 10

"Bam, are you sure you're alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I just haven't been feeling well." He mumbled as he broke away from my embrace.

I was so glad to finally be back at in West Chester. I missed Bam so much and it felt so good to hold him in my arms once again, but something didn't feel right. I had an instinct that told me Bam was lying to me about being alright, because he tried his hardest to avoid eye contact with me. Hell, he didn't look healthy. His body was extremely pale and his skin was just hanging on his bones. My heart broke seeing him like that. His eyes were all sunken into his head with deep blue eyes showing nothing but sadness. Normally his eyes were so beautiful and bright they could light up an entire room and make me melt at the same time; now they were fading, becoming dull pupils.

"Dico, what's wrong with him?" I asked concerned.

"Hell if I know, he won't talk to anyone of us." He laughed trying to humor the situation.

"Do you know?" I asked Rake who just shook his head no.

"Babe, he has been consumed more alcohol in the last week than Raab has in practically three months. He stays locked in his room like he's punishing himself for something. He won't open up to anyone and he tries to act like everything is fine when we all here know he is practically killing himself. He's not very good at hiding his emotions. I can't recall the last time I watched him eat or the last time I heard him laugh." Novak explained with a cig hanging out of his mouth.

"Why?" I asked?

Novak just shrugged his shoulders, and motioned for me to sit down at the Pirate Bar.

"I have something to tell you." He said seriously.

I gulped because when Novak is trying to be serious I know it's got to be bad. My heart was racing along with my mind at all the possibilities.

"What?" I managed to choke out.

"About a week ago, I don't know the whole story, but about a week ago Bam fucked up at a skating demo and it pissed him off beyond belief."

"Really, he just usually shrugs it off." I said.

"Well, I think he was having a bad to day to begin with and when that happened it just went to hell." Novak continued as he took a swig of his beer.

"So he is punishing himself for fucking up at a skating demo?" I asked as I raised my brow, because this didn't sound like Bam.

"No sweetheart. After he came home from skating, he went to the bar and got so drunk that he passed out there."

"Oh shit! That must have been the night he called and asked where I was and when I told him I was still in LA he just hung up." I gasped.

"Yeah, so he called me to come and pick him up at a filthy dump."

"What the hell was he doing there?"

"Apparently while he was at the bar, a couple of fags drugged his drink and took him back to his place and robbed him."

My heart fell into my stomach. I couldn't believe anyone would do this to Bam, my Bam. He didn't deserve it.

"I picked him up by a street market in just his boxers. The only other thing he has told me is that they took everything he owned." Novak said putting his cigarette out.

"FUCK", I mumbled.

Knowing that when he called me, he really needed me and I wasn't able to help him made me feel guilty. I felt like I was partly to blame because I couldn't be there to help him when he has always been there for me.

"He has been acting so weird lately, Dunn. He broke up with Missy."

I was a little relieved because I never really liked her, but I tolerated her because Bam seemed to really love her.

"Why?"

"Over some stupid fight."

"Fuck!"

Taking in a deep breath I lightly knocked on Bam's door.

"Yeah", he mumbled.

"It's me, can I come in."

"Sure Random. You know you don't have to knock", he replied.

I smiled as I walked in his room and took a seat on his bed right next to him. My heart just fell into a million pieces as I looked at his unhealthy figure. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him tightly, but I would be scared that he would break.

"Bam, I missed you so much." I said lightly hugging him.

"Dunn, I missed you too." He said returning my hug softly.

"What's wrong?" I whispered trying to look into his eyes.

"Nothing", he mumbled.

"Bam, I am here. You can tell me anything."

"Don't worry, like I said I just haven't been feeling well lately."

The way his voice shook and the way he avoided eye contact with me; I could tell he was lying. I could see the pain in his eyes that filled his entire soul.

"Bam, I can see your hurting", I whispered placing my hand on his.

"Fuck Dunn. I am not hurting. Nothing is fucking wrong with me. Why does everyone keep asking that for? Goddamn, I am just fucking sick Dunn." He shouted pulling his hand away from mine.

"Look man, I am just trying to help."

"Well, do yourself a favor and don't!"

"Bam, I can help you. I am not going to leave you."

"I don't need help." He growled.

"Well, you at least need to eat something." I said sharply.

"I'll eat later. I am not in the mood to eat."

"You look like you haven't eaten in days", I said removing the tangled strands of hair that hid his pain-filled eyes.

"Dunn, how would you know if I have eaten or not? You haven't been here for the last past month. And just so you know I am perfectly fine", he yelled.

Grabbing him tightly, I held his fragile body in my hands. With a quick shove of his arms, he forcefully broke free of my grasp.

"What are you some kind of fag Dunn?" He snapped.

"But Bam, don't you know that I…" I started.

"Dude, just get the fuck off of me", he yelled.

I grabbed his body again only wanting to hold it in my arms tightly and never letting him go.

"Fuck Ryan, get the hell off of me, you fucking fag", he shot.

"Bam, what the hell is wrong with you? You know I love you."

"No, you don't, and I don't love you. I don't love you Ryan", He hissed running his hands thru his knotted mass of hair which hung from his head.

With that being said, I got up and walked out the door with my shattered heart. I loved Bam, and I would do anything for him, but to know that he didn't love me back was the worst thing of all. I think I would rather be dead than to know I couldn't have Bam.

Grabbing my suitcase, I started out of Castle Bam.

"Where you going sweetheart", Novak shouted from kitchen.

"Fuck his sorry ass. I can't do anything for the dip-shit", I grumbled.

"Novak, tell Bam to look me up whenever he can talk to me like a normal person again." I said as I slammed the door to Castle Bam behind me.


	11. Chapter 11

Life Partners

Chapter 11

I couldn't help but since that Bam had done something to piss Ryan off. I mean it took a lot for Ryan to lose his patience with Bam, and he just stormed out of Castle Bam like that. I definitely had to go see what Bam had done to make him leave like that, because neither Bam nor Ryan may like to admit it, but I know the truth about their secret past. The past they didn't like to talk about and the feelings that were still there when they were around each other. I knew they had feelings for one another and it was hard to not bring that up, because Bam didn't want anyone to know about his love for Ryan. I can relate because I wouldn't want anyone to know the love I have for Bam. I can still taste the kiss we shared that one night; it was incredible. I loved the way his lips felt against mine; they were soft and gentle but yet hungry for more.

I walked up to his room with and peered inside. He was sitting on his bed with his hands buried in his hair and his head in his lap. His fragile body was shaking, and I think I heard sobs coming from him. I never once pictured Bam Margera crying. He always played the role of the tough guy; the guy that could endure anything, but now he just seemed like a little kid.

"Sweetheart", I mumbled as I carefully approached him.

"Fuck, Novak, what the hell are you doing in here?" He shouted in surprise.

"I came to see what the fuck happened between you and Dunn."

"Nothing, we just had a stupid fight and he left just like Missy. I drove him out of my life just like I did Missy. What the fuck is wrong with me Novak? Why are the ones that I love the most walking right out on me when I need them the most?" He said not realizing what he had just said.

I moved my body closer to him and wrapped my arms around his sick body.

"I am still aren't I?" I mumbled.

"Yeah, but eventually you'll get fed up with my shit and leave too." He growled.

"That is where you are wrong my sweetheart. I can't leave you. I won't, because when you truly care about someone you won't leave them no matter how difficult they get. And let me tell you Mr. Margera, you can be a very complicated little shit to put up, and sometimes you can be a full pain in my ass, but I wouldn't want that pain to leave." I laughed, not knowing that my words had more meaning than what I had intended.

He closed his eyes and winced, "It hurt." He confessed.

"What hurt?"

"The pain they caused me."

"Who are they?"

"I don't know Bran, I don't know, but it hurt real bad."

Suddenly everything in my mind clicked like I had just found the missing piece of the puzzle. I closed my eyes and held his delicate body in my arms and ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's okay Bam-Bam." I said.

"But it's all my fault, Bran. You see if I didn't go to that bar none of it would have happened!"

"No, you can't blame yourself for what they did to you. You didn't know what was happening to you; you had no control of anything and you cannot blame yourself, sweetheart. It was them, they put the drugs in your drink and you did not know." I comforted still caressing his curls with my fingers.

"Bam, you can't blame yourself for something you had no control over." I whispered as my lips ghosted over his ear lobe.

"But Bran, I have to blame…." He started.

"Bam, you don't have anyone to blame but the ones who did it. None of this was your fault and you need to stop feeling like it was."

"How am I supposed to feel Novak?"

"Well definitely not depressed." I laughed and I managed to get a small smirk across his face.

Looking directly into his eyes, I saw for the first time in weeks that certain spark come back to life. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest as I pressed my lips into his. His fingers dug into my shaggy hair as he pressed himself firmly against my face. Our tongues were going crazy; tasting each other in such hunger, force and desire, we could not get enough. It kept us wanting more of each other. God, it felt so good to be laying there kissing Bam. I did not want this moment to end…ever. I wanted us to stay right where we were.

"Novak," He muttered against my lips.

"Yea sweetheart."

"Thanks for not leaving me."

"Your welcome Bam-Bam and you know I could never leave you, right?"

"Yeah", he nodded kissing my lips again. "We are life partners in this until the end."

I smiled and realized that it would take time, but everything was going to get better, and I returned his kiss.


End file.
